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Saturday, July 26, 2003 I've been reading a lot more than usual lately. I really have nothing better to do with my time. I just finished The first Wheel of Time book called The Eye of the World. Basically it's about this group of people that travel a long way to the Eye of the World and fight the Dark Lord (just like every other fantasy book, eh?). I liked it a lot, but it did seem to drag on for quite a while. It's around 900 pages. Another book I've been reading is the second Sword of Truth novel called the Stone of Tears. I'm only within the first 300 pages right now, but it's really good. I bought the Official Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life Souvenir Magazine a few days ago. I now know basically what happens in the movie, although I haven't seen it yet. I think it looks really great. Angelin Jolie is so amazing. She plays Lara Croft extraordinarily well.
I think I'm going to go play TR now...

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 It's cold today. Only about 70 out right now. Cold is good though.
I was thinking yesterday. What would it be like to go to the forest and have nothing? Go to China or wherever and build a life from nothing. No electricity, computers, cars, etc. I can't say that I would not like that. I do not know how well that would work out for my sanity though. Some of my best skills are with computer related things. Like Level Editing or building websites. Hmm, maybe web design isn't really one of my better skills...
In the US you can't live with nothing. You can't leave without money. Tis not as if you can go hunting in the middle of the city. Stupid cities. These are the fake cities anyhow. Buildings and crap. Who needs 'em anyway. We should all be living in little cabins near the woods, cutting wood every day so we don't freeze to death, and hunting so we don't starve. Then fending for our lives agains orcs and shit every now and then. But there aren't any! What the hell is this! We're getting the bad end of the bargain here!
People these days should be able to walk around openly with swords too. Who needs guns? Guns are so unfair. You should be able to see what's coming at you when you're being attacked.
Enough of my little primitive-living rant.
I finished reading my intro to C book the other night. I should now be able to put my new skills to good use. But I need to get a damned C compiler! Not one of those cheap shareware ones either. I need one with a manual so I know what the hell I'm doing. Then I need to get a book about graphics so I can learn how those work. I want to make 2D games eventually. Maybe I'll even be able to make 3D games in the not-so-distant future. Who knows...?

Friday, July 18, 2003 Okay, I'll have to begin where I left off yesterday before I was kicked of the damn computer. I've almost totally lost where I was going with this...
Okay, why she doesn't like me...
Reason 3) I hang out with the skater dude. I don't see what's wrong with that, but it seems as if she doesn't like him that much, and that means I can't be much better, right? I don't think she likes the way he acts all the time, or most of the things he does.
4)I'm not a very social person. I also don't know why this would be a problem, but I think it is. Damn. Those are all the reasons I can think of for the problem. I can change some of that, but I don't especially want to. Some relationships just aren't worth it. But what the hell would I know...?

Thursday, July 17, 2003 It's been a while since I updated last. It cannot be helped though. I really don't have much to say. I haven't been doing anything interesting. I'll just have to talk about the uninteresting stuff then.
I've decided that I want to start learning 2 dimensional computer game programming. I'll have to get a book about computer graphics. I have an idea of what I want to make, but I'm sure I have a lot to learn before I can make it. I want to make a fantasy adventure/rpg based on one of my fantasy fiction stories. I have some ideas about how I want it to work. You see, in most games you have so many weapons, and you don't know what they do with them all, right? In my game you can still have all the weapons, but you can't carry them all with you at the same time. You have to go back to your house to change weapons. Of course you'll want to have more than one weapon at once in your arsenal, it wouldn't be fun otherwise. But you just can't have all of them. Good idea? Yes. I don't know exactly how I'm going to work that out, but it'll happen.
Second piece of business to talk about... There's a surprise party for one of my not so close friends from school in a few days. For his birthday, of course. I'll not be attending. Nothing personal, I'm just not up to it. I'm not to fond of being around him. Especially when the girl I like will be there too. I know they like eachother. It just pisses me off so much. Why can't she like me? I'm so jealous. I'm sure I can state a few reasons that a person such as her would not like a person like me that much.
1) I'm scruffy looking.
2) I'm not a Christian. I don't claim to be one. If somebody at my school asked if I believe in God, I would answer truthfully, even though I go to a Lutheran school.
3) I hang out with... [to be continued tomorrow]

Saturday, July 12, 2003 I worked really hard on a custom Tomb Raider level today. I like how it's turning out. It is, as usual, based in Japan. I haven't decided a specific location yet; don't know if I even will.
Other than that I did nothing. Well, I read HP5 a bit more. I'm almost finished with it now. It's a bit better than I originally said. But, just a bit. Not more than a bit. It keeps drawling on and on.
I'm getting incredibly tired of sitting around all day. I'm bored. Nothing is happening. I used to like it that way. It's nice and quiet, but, god, this never ends. It's insane. I have 8 books to read, but I don't want to read. I have 2 websites to work on, but I don't want to think up new designs right now. I have video games to beat, but I don't want to play. I have stories to create, but I don't want to write. I want to curl up in a warm blanket and sleep.

Sunday, July 6, 2003 Today was a great day. I was happy today. To start things out, I got up at around 10 (a bit earlier than usual, but not a problem) and went online as usual. I talked to crack for a while, and that was really cool. He's an awesome guy. I worked on this lovely site a bit, built up the art section a bit. After that it was around noon and I hadn't eaten yet, which was not a very good idea. I had a quick lunch (also not a good idea; I need more substance in my meals...) and went out to skate for a bit before my friend came over. He showed up in a cool outfit ("fancy" church clothes), and we were off skating in no time. Or, that's what I would like to say, but it was actually a while before we got skating. He had to put together his new skateboard, put the trucks on and all. That took quite a while cause his hardware (nuts and bolts to hold the trucks on) really sucked. While he was doing that I got out AOD and showed it to him. He got a kick out of it when I accidentally jumped sideways off a high ledge and tumbled to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
We went out skaeboarding after a while. Hit all the good spots; the school near here, the loading docks behind the bourgious grocery store. We made out way to the used entertainment place. They sell cds, games, movies. All that fun stuff, and for really cheap prices. It's good quality though. Once they sell it they don't want it back, I guess. I got a Led Zeppelin cd.
We went back to my house after that. We listened to that cd a for a while while we played MX Supercross or whatever it's called. Awesome game. Shway. Wow, I've never said that before, shway. Sounds funny, lol. I think the first time I heard that was on Batman Beyond. I liked that show. I'm not sure whether it's on anymore or not. Well, I've gotten off topic here.
After a while of playing my gramma walked downstairs. I got all freaked cause I hadn't heard anyone walk in. She has a spare key to our house, if you're wondering how she got in. She wanted to get some Harry Potter books from me; she hasn't read them yet. I went and got those, blah, blah, blah...
*`*`*Skip ahead*`*`*
I burned the new Metallica cd. My friend got it a few days ago, and now I have it. 2 new cds for me in one day, that's really cool. After a while of doing random stuff, we had hamburgers for supper. My friend left not long afterwards. So here I am now. I wouldn't call it an eventful day, but it was enjoyable. And that's the best kind of day I can have. Every day for the rest of the summer should be like this. Pff, like that's gonna really happen. What do I have to look forward to this summer? The possibility of getting a job. Bleh! The only reason I would want a job is so I can buy the parts to build a custom computer. But If I get a job, I'll have to put all the money to a damn car first. My dad wants me to buy his Chevy Prizm so he can get a small pickup truck. But I don't want a car. I don't need a car. I don't even have my lisence yet, and I wont by the time school comes around either. And why would I need a car? To get myself to school. But what kind of crazy idea is that? I have a bike, a skateboard, legs. I can get there any other way I want. A good comp of my own would serve me well. I wouldn't get kicked off it all the time, like I do on this one. It would last me a good long time, and it would help me learn some skills that I really want to have. I have lots of other computer skills, so why not learn how a computer does what it does? I should know all the parts of a comp anyway. Right now if you opened up this comp and pointed to something I would not have the slightest idea what it is.
On and on I go. Thank you if you actually read all that. It was a lot.

Saturday, July 5, 2003 Okay, everything is all good today. No obnoxious people to worry about. Nothing to worry about at all.
One of my friends is comming over tomorrow. We'll probably spend the day scoping out places to skate after we get kicked out of all the others^_^ Ah, that reminds me. I have to finish his cd. I'm burning The Golden Age of Grotesque for him, which I happen to be listening to right now. Great cd, if you ask me.
Sorry, this is pathetic entry...

Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I finally finished my TRLE site for now. There will be changes in the near future, no doubt. I'll find more clever ways of displaying stuff, or I'll make cool JavaScript stuff. I haven't submitted it to the list at the forums yet though.

So... I had a friend over the last few days. It's fine that I have a friend. I probably even have more than one. But what gets to me is all the stupid thing this particular friend likes to talk about. He's always talking about sex. Sex. SEX. SEX. SEX. SEX... It really, really pisses me off. I don't want to hear about what he says he did with some whore from his stupid, paganistic, drug-fiend friendly,slutgarden of a school. I know he's making all this shit up, too. No woman in their right mind would let a guy do that kind of stuff to them. This kid is such a loser. I can just imagine what he'll be like when he's an adult. And he's pretty close; by standards of age, that is. Not by morality or common sense. I can see a washed up, porn adict-booze-hound. That's just disgusting. I don't see him with a decent, well paying job, a loving wife, a nice house... I, on the other hand, am trying to make something of myself; even while I'm still in high school. I bombed last year, and that will not happen again. I am setting the standard higher for this new year, my junior year. There are so many benefits from doing well and not being a perverted freak. I should admit that I need to work on both of those two factors. I know I can do well, so that won't be such a problem. The perverted freak part though... Well, at least I don't appear to be as bad as this kid. Or, I should say, at least I don't show it.
The problem here is that we have the influence of pornography in this fucking house. I should be able to control what I do, but it isn't easy. Key word in that last sentence: should. But I just can't right now. And that sucks royally. I'll spare you and not go into details...
Of course I'm not against sex, and I don't mind talking about it once in a while. What guy really is? But I am against talking about it the way he does. It's disgusting. It's sleazy. I don't want that, I don't need that. I don't need sex. I'm 15, I can wait til I'm 23 or whenever. I don't want sex now. Yes, I said, "I don't want sex now." I have so many other things to do in my spare time rather than sodomizing with a bunch of imature girls. That kind of thing can mess up peoples' lives. I don't want to do that. Besides, I have my thoughts (not the dirty ones) on one person, and I don't want to mess up my chances of being with her sometime in the future...

Okay, I've gone off on a tangent here. Sorry about that, but I'm really pissed and agravated. The thing controlling society is sex. I hate that. I HATE THAT!!! It's so messed up. Such a fucking messed up world we live in...

Saturday, June28, 2003 Played AOD alot last night. The level I'm in right now is the Louvre Museums. I'm trying to get to an excavation site. This game has really good graphics, the movement is realistic (shakey shakey, if ya know what I mean, lol), the textures are excellent (I can't wait til I get to use those textures in some of my custom levels), the environment is great. The controls take a bit of getting used to though.

So now I have the mental energy to sit through reformatting my TRLE site. At the time, I'm just keeping the layout simple. White backgrounds, simple tables, the easiest navigation you'll ever encounter. I just don't want to take the time to make fancy stuff. I've delayed releasing my site, and I want people to have access to my level screens and custom junk; textures, object, etc.
I'll be finishing a few pages, and then I'm submitting it to the list at the Eidos forums.

Sunday, June 22, 2003 To begin where I left off on my little Harry Potter rant...
He turned into a little depressed punk. Thanks, Ms. Rowling, we all want to read about that. Bleh. I'm on page 175 or so and he's still not at the damn school yet. They kept going on about a stupid trial. Like he was really going to get kicked out of the school, huh? You could just tell he wasn't, and you could have proved yourself right by looking at the chapter listing at the beginning of the book!
I'm not enjoying this book as much as the other ones before it. It isn't holding my attention well.
Enough of that now...

Saturday, June 21, 2003 Some people are just too damn stupid. I go to McDonalds and say I want a chocolate sundae. The dude says, "We don't have chocolate, we have fudge." Holy freakin' crap... You cannot believe how annoying that is. They are the same damn thing!!! Heh, whatever. I guess it does not matter.
So, I got the new Harry Potter book today. The beginning is just a bit weird. It was not as I expected it to be.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003 Where's the rain? Where is the frickin' rain? Get raining already!!! Fine, be that way O_o" I went to the post office to mail that letter today. The postage was only 80 cents. That's pretty good. I had $3 left over, so I went and bought myself a manga.
Ugh. My mom wanted me to go to a "birthday party" for my little cousin that's only turning 1 year old. That really pissed me off. Why do people have these little get-togethers for kids that can't even think yet? Of course this kid isn't going to remember this, so there's no damn point in having it. If people weren't so stupid all the time the world would be such a better place. My aunt is a crazy nutter anyhow. She's so damn annoying. When she's talking to animals or babies she has such a horrid voice that she uses. It just makes me want to leave or yell or something. Bleh!

It just makes me sick.
Heh, I bet the music I listen to would make her sick. CURRENT SONG: " THIS IS THE NEW SHIT" -- Marilyn Manson.
I honestly don't see what people have against him. Okay, he yells profanity quite a bit, but that's nothing to get upset about. He has some awesome music.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003 I wrote my reply to Maki's letter today. I have to wait until tomorrow to mail it though. I don't know how much postage is, and the post office is closed. I'll have to walk there tomorrow.
Today was a very boring day. I got up around 12:45. I did some work for this site. I ate some food. I went skateboarding for a while in the nearly 90 degree heat and bathed in sweat. That's about it. I was going to read for a while but it was too hot in the house for reading. I was going to study programming but it was too hot in the house for studying. I was going to play video games but it was too hot in the house for playing. So I listened to music for a while and sat there. I hope tomorrow is more eventful.
Dammit, I forgot that it's supposed to rain tomorrow. I hope it rains either before or after I mail that letter. Before would be preferable, because then it'll be a lot cooler out. After would be fine too. During would be horrible. I guess I'll just have to wait and find out what'll happen...

Monday, June 16, 2003 I got a letter for the first time from a Japanese penpal today! It's going to be so fun writing to someone from another country! I'm so happy right now!!! My pal's name is Maki. She lives in Shizuoka, which is near Fuji-yama (Mount Fuji). She is 20, and her hobby is diving. I think I'm going to make a page that displays her letters to me. Check for that in the left navigation window sometime soon :)
[edit]There is no longer a left navigation window ;) [edit 2] There is now a left navigation table ;) But you wont find anything about penpal letters there, sorry.

Saturday, June 14, 2003 We just finished with my brother's open house for graduation. I have such a damn stomach ache. Too much pop. I had like 5 cans. Then you add the frickin' cake on top of that. Christ... Such and unhealthy day. But it was cool to have all the relatives over. I suppose they all of a sudden decided to talk to me. They never really did before. Maybe it's because now I'm older; more adultish. My uncle Paul (from Wyoming. Why the hell would anybody move from MN to there?) was talking to me about books. That was really cool. Nobody ever talks to me about books. He works in a library or something. One of my other uncles, Alan, was talking to me about video games. That was interesting also.
I can't wait til I get out of high school now. My brother raked in a whole load o' money. If I got that kind of money I'd just need a bit more to buy myself my own computer. Okay, okay, I have a Mac, but it's a piece of shit. I only use it to type school reports. I can't level edit on it, it'd be too bloody slow.
I'm eating all the leftover cheese now. Yummy...
I can't believe that one of my teachers actually showed up today. That was really freaky, having one of my own teachers here...

Wednesday, June 11, 2003 Been out of school for almost a month and I've been bored as hell the whole bloody time. All I can do is sit around and read or level edit. But that gets really boring after a while. Not that I don't enjoy doing either one of those, but every day for almost a month is a bit too much. I need some new hobbies. I need to stop being so damn lazy and go buy myself that C book that I've been wanting for a while. That really should keep me occupied for a long time.
I cannot wait until I'm back in school again. I have somebody in my mnd that just wont get out. That's perfectly fine with me though. I just want to see her again. I don't want to call her and go to the mall or something though. First, I'm not a mall kind of person. Second, it would be rather bold just ramndomly calling someone that I don't really know all too well and inviting them somewhere with me. That just is not something I would do. Bleh.

Sunday, June 8, 2003 11:34 pm. Here I sit. Here I always sit. Here I am comfortable. Here I shall remain comfortable.
The randomness of this entry is killing me...

There are no unlockable doors
There are no unwinnable wars
There are no unrightable wrongs or unsingable songs

There are no unbeatable odds
There are no believable gods
There are no unnameable names, shall I say it again?...

-Ozzy, I Just Want You

Saturday, June 7, 2003 12:15 am. I don't know why I'm always up right now. I just love being up in the middle of the night. Or, in this case, the beginning of the morning. It's so quiet and peacefull. Nobody is awake to tell me what to do. Nobody is going to tell me to go to bed. I'm out of school so I can pretty much do anything I want. I'll most likely be up another hour or two. I have plenty of reading to do. Numerous books that have been stacked on my desk, a few magazines I haven't gotten to yet, many computer books, travel guides that need to be studied...
Konbanwa.
Or Ohayou.
One of the two...

12:44 pm. I'm up, finally. I was looking in a college catalog when I was eating breakfast/lunch. Just taking a look at what classes I might be interested in when the time comes. I do, though, have two years of high school left. Well, it never hurts to think ahead a bit, right?

Friday, June 6, 2003 11:01 pm. I wasted my dad and his friend at a golf game on Playstation. $45,000 for me! If only it were real... New computer, fast as fuck internet, new Audi, and all the books I can dream of. That would be awesome.
So, I'm sitting here listening to The Beautiful People over and over. I just love that song. I've decided that I'm going to learn C. I need to find out where to get a C convertor, and how much it'll cost me. I read that you'll most likely find it in a package with a C++ convertor. So, I'll be able to convert my C scripts, and, eventually, I'll be able to convert C++ scripts. And I know I have the capability of learning and understanding these programming languages. I will stick with it until I know them. I cannot allow myself to quit. I have the need to know things that other people don't know or understand. It makes me feel good. I want to have these skills, I want to cram in all the knowledge. Knowledge is powerful. It gets you places. If you have knowledge, you don't have to worry about where your life is going to go. It'll simply go, and you'll be able to make the best of any situation.
Now I'm rambling again...
Konbanwa...

Thursday, June 5, 2003 I'm learning JavaScript now. I went and got a book about it the other day. I am a borg. Information will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. I want to try to learn Java or C sometime. Maybe it's complicated, but that's okay with me. I have plenty of time and patience for it. And if I really want to understand it, I will. I suppose I'll have to learn about DOS then. Back to the bookstore I go! lol. I wish. If I could live in a bookstore, that would be the greatest thing. If I had my license and had my own car I'd probably spend half the day in the bookstore. I end up reading the back of every fantasy book I can find. Then I would have to check out the programming and web design books. That could take half the day in itself. If only I had money...

Tuesday, June 3, 2003 I've been designing websites all day. I made some cool JavaScript rollovers today. Tomorrow I'm going to the books store to get some web design and programming books. What a wonderful life I lead... Computers, skateboarding now and then, and listening to music. All day. Every day. On and on forever...

Saturday, May 31, 2003 I'm finally back from my vacation, thank God. Back to my normal life. I can't express how happy I am to be back here. I feel so comfortable here (at least when everyone leaves me alone).
On to more interesting news...
I found a great manga. It's called Ranma 1/2. The main character, Saotome Ranma, turns into a girl when he touches cold water, and back into a boy when he touches hot water. This manga is full of comical fighting.

Having nothing significant to say, I'll end there for now.

Monday, May 26, 2003 I seriously hate vacations. My family is leaving on one tomorrow, and I am positive that I will not be going. They just don't understand how sick I'm going to get in the car. I cannot handle a small ride up the freeway, and they expect me to be able to handle a three hour ride. Heh, that'll be the day...
I feel so sick right now. I'm so worried. I haven't the slightest idea how this is going to work out...

Sunday, May 25, 2003 How do people even know what's going to happen after they die? Why do they just assume that something special is going to happen? I'm just going to be a dead body in a box, or a wisp of ashes, after I die. I'm not going to any heaven, I wont have a spirit that will live on. And that's just fuckin' freaky. I'll never be on the earth again. The earth will be here for who the hell knows how long. People will be born, and live, and die. I'll be gone. The earth will cease to exist. Time will go on. I wont be here. Stuff will happen. New worlds will come and go. I wont be on them. I'll NEVER be on a world, I won't be remembered, I will never come back. And time will go on endlessly...

So why not make the best of the time while I'm here? Enjoy myself? No, I'm not talking about getting high and drunk and having sex all the time. That would not be making the best of my time. Why not learn all I can, get a good job, make lots of money, live in a peaceful place (Japan), get a lovely wife, and be somebody? Why don't I stop feeling sorry for myself all the time. Because I'm too much of an idiot...

Saturday, May 24, 2003 Today is nothing. Nothing is happening. Nothing will happen. I sit here listening to Ozzy, drowning in laziness.
School just got out Thursday. I hate that. What the hell am I to do all summer? I miss my Japanese class already. That's the only thing I ever have to look forward to. That's only because I might be able to get a decent job someday with Japanese language skills. I really have nothing else going for me. I would truly hate to be and insignificant grain of sand in this ever growing beach for the rest of my life. I want to have some kind of significance.
I don't have much time left. I'll have to end here...

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